Labour Stuck on 28% and Declares Victory for Not Losing What It Had Already Lost
Downing Street celebrates the stability of a number that, in other circumstances, it would call a crisis. Conservatives gain a point and ask for a parade.
The Labour Party held steady at 28% in the More in Common poll of 2013 respondents. Government sources describe the result as "a mandate renewed by inertia".
The Conservatives rose from 24% to 25% and called a press conference to announce their return. An aide who asked not to be named admitted that the extra point may be the rounding error of someone who answered the phone out of pity.
Reform UK fell from 23% to 20% and insists the poll doesn't count, because it listened to people. The Liberal Democrats dropped two points, from 11% to 9%, and only noticed when someone came looking for them to blame them.
The Greens hold at 7% and propose taxing the next poll. Restore Britain rose to 6% and is already demanding a ministry, a logo and a commission to study the ministry.
An economist who has already given up sums up the picture: three parties explaining why falling is not falling, and two explaining why gaining one point is an earthquake. The Assembleia pigeon, visiting London, only asked that the state charge it less for bread.
The Greens hold at 7% and propose taxing the next poll.
