White House warns that scrutinising the government is a crime, and that the warning itself is only intimidation if you take it the wrong way
Legal office explains that congressional oversight is legitimate only when it finds nothing, and that from then on it becomes persecution.
The White House unveiled a new understanding of the separation of powers this week: Congress oversees the Executive, provided the Executive doesn't notice.
According to an aide who asked not to be identified, the distinction is simple. If an investigation concludes that everything is fine, it is routine democracy. If it concludes anything else, it is criminality and merits a criminal investigation.
The same office clarified that threatening investigators with prosecution does not constitute intimidation. Intimidation is investigators feeling threatened, which, it stressed, is their problem.
The Democrats say they will keep up their oversight. The White House promised to investigate the investigation and, if necessary, the investigation of the investigation, in a chain that one lawyer has already given up counting.
A source in Congress recalled that, back when the opposition was someone else, oversight was a patriotic duty. The White House declined to comment, considering memory a form of intimidation.
Threatening those who scrutinise is not intimidation; intimidation is the scrutinised taking offence.
The reality behind the satire
Real news · clarin.com · 11 November
This story, published by a real newspaper, inspired the piece above. The Falsumundi piece is made up; this story is not.
